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The Way Things Should Be.

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The Way Things Should Be.

Post by PeggySnow on Thu 16 Sep 2010, 5:30 pm

I'm trying a new style of writing, and I'm not sure where I'm going with this. xDD It may get finished, it may not, but, anyways, here it is:

Chapter 1

I stand outside in my backyard, and stare out into the woods. Whiskers has long since gone in there, and I doubt that he'll come back tonight, if at all. I want Whiskers to come back, though. I want someone to curl up next to me, and comfort me, while I fall asleep. Sure, everything's fine, but I struggle to fall asleep, and it comforts me when someone is with me.
I shift my weight between my legs, my purple sneakers squishing in the somewhat wet grass, from last nights rain.
"Breely!" my mom calls from our porch, about seventy feet away. We have a huge backyard. "Dinner's ready!" my mom shouts, stirring a pot that looks like soup.
I turn around. I like waiting for Whiskers to come back, and I don't want to leave, in case Whiskers comes back. If he does, he'll be left outside, and I don't want a fisher to come and get him. But, I know better than to disobey my mother. "Coming!" I call, turning my torso towards her.
"I mean it, Bree. You'd better get back here!" she said, waving a spoon at me. Though she has a stern voice, I can see the laughter sparkling in her eyes.
I laugh too, despite the fact that my cat may die, or already be dead. I turn around, and start jogging up to my house, when a gun shot sounds from the woods, and there's the terrified screech of a cat. Oh no! I think, feeling horrible, as tears come to my eyes.
But, before I can think about anything else, a short haired white cat with tawny-brown-and-white splashes come streaking out of the woods. "Whiskers!" I exclaim, surprised, but delighted. I scoop up the cat into my arms, and she starts purring.
When I reach the house, Whiskers starts squirming when she smells the tuna that my mother has given her for her dinner. I drop Whiskers lightly to the ground, and she races off into the dining room, where a blue and black bowl is neatly set, filled with tuna. Whiskers eats hungrily, while I look up onto the dining room table. Grilled cheese with tomato soup takes up almost all of our tiny only-four-person table.
Dad and my younger brother Joey are already at the table, waiting impatiently for me to get in, so they can start eating my mom's delicious meal. But, where is mom?
As if reading my mind, Dad nods. "She won't be eating with us- going out to eat, with some friends," he says.
"Yeah, we've been waiting for you forever!" Joey complains, though I know it's not true, since I saw my mom with the soup.
I raise my eyebrows. "Oh yeah? Not even five minutes ago, I saw mom with her soup," I say dryly.
Joey squirms restlessly. "Well, still. I haven't eaten since lunch!" he complains again.
I sigh, and take the seat across from my dad.
He smiles at me. "Breely," my dad asks, "can you please pass a sandwich?"
"Sure," I reply, grabbing a grilled cheese from the colorful plate, from which they are stacked, and hand it to him.
"Hey, I want one too!" Joey says impatiently.
I sigh. "Fine." I say, and hand him his sandwich, while taking one for myself.
We dig in, and maybe ten minutes into our meal, Joey's eyes widen affectionately, and point. "Oh, wow!" he exclaims. "What a cute baby mouse!"
Me and dad's eyes widen. "What?" we say together. We don't have any mice, and haven't gotten any.

Chapter 2

"What?" I ask again, picking up my knees, so that I am sitting on them. I don't care for mice. Er, not that I am a girly girl or anything, but I hate their tails.
"Yes, Joey, where?" Dad asks, rising from his seat, and standing in front of Joey.


Last edited by PeggySnow on Fri 17 Sep 2010, 3:15 pm; edited 3 times in total

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Re: The Way Things Should Be.

Post by Dreamer on Thu 16 Sep 2010, 5:34 pm

Ah, present tense. My novel is in the present tense. Nod
Anyway, I'm curious to see where this goes.

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Re: The Way Things Should Be.

Post by PeggySnow on Thu 16 Sep 2010, 5:35 pm

Yeah, I decided to try something new. Nod
Oooh, nice!

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Re: The Way Things Should Be.

Post by Tolly12bells on Thu 16 Sep 2010, 6:47 pm

Oh, yes. Present tense. Possibly one of my worst pet peeves. This one isn't bad, though. The book we had to read over the summer was in present tense, and drove me crazy, so I sort of had a thing against it. I'm working on it, though. Nod

Sounds interesting. I'm interested for where it goes...

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Re: The Way Things Should Be.

Post by Mercury on Thu 16 Sep 2010, 7:14 pm

I like Present Tense but I like past more. Sometimes I mix them for the sake of depth. But this iefinitely good.
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Re: The Way Things Should Be.

Post by PeggySnow on Thu 16 Sep 2010, 7:19 pm

Thanks!

Yeah, I used to HATE present tense, but after reading so many books with it, I grew used to it. Nod

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Re: The Way Things Should Be.

Post by Dreamer on Thu 16 Sep 2010, 8:17 pm

Besides my novel, I've never written present tense prose. It can be irritating, but executed properly, it's just as natural as past tense.

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Re: The Way Things Should Be.

Post by PeggySnow on Thu 16 Sep 2010, 8:35 pm

^^ Same here, Nadine. Exactly- it gets very early. Nod

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Re: The Way Things Should Be.

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